Nightmares into Dreams
by Filmfan221
Summary: Another story from Julia's perspective, this time from "Murdoch in Toyland" and continuing past "Twentieth Century Murdoch".
1. Chapter 1

**All dialogue in italics belong to the writers of Murdoch Mysteries**

I sat on the window seat, my knees curled up into my chest. I listened to Darcy's steady breathing and the crickets chirping outside. The moon was bright, lighting up the street and I watched as a carriage slowly rolled by. It was two o'clock in the morning. Once again, my own gasps for air had awakened me. It had been two o'clock every night for the last two weeks. I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed sleep.

"_William! Help!"_ The memory played in my head over and over again. The gasping for breath and panic mounting as I pounded on the wooden box. It was so real I could feel my lungs tightening and sweat begin to form on my forehead. I rested my elbows on my knees and held my head in my hands. When would it end? There must be some way I can get this horrible memory out of my brain. I knew William would figure it out and come for me, but lying in that box was the most terrifying moment of my life, even more so than when Henry Orgill, aka Detective Scanlon, had almost stabbed me in my office at the morgue.

Of course! I thought with a jolt. Why didn't I think of it before? Dr. Roberts! He had helped William with that case and then again with the girl who had three personalities. Why wouldn't he be able to help me? Hypnotism was now a common method for helping people with recurring dreams. Perhaps he could help me figure out some way to finally get some sleep and get these dreaded nightmares to stop.

I thought back again and felt relief as I remembered seeing the sunlight and William's face in front of me as the lid opened and air rushed back into my lungs. His strong arm wrapped around me and pulled me closely to him.

""_William!" _I gasped and clung to him, frightened that it wasn't real and that I had died and imagined what I had hoped would happen. But as I saw George and the Inspector standing six feet above me, I knew it was real and I clutched tighter to William.

"_I'm so sorry,"_ he had whispered desperately.

"_William," _I laughed lightly, trying to get as much air as possible. _"What took you so long?"_

His resonating chuckle rippled into my ear and I felt comforted immediately, knowing that I was safe. I had always felt safe and sure in his arms and this was no exception, but rather a confirmation. I could think of nothing but his arm wrapped around me and his body pressed tightly against mine. Once my breathing had slowed, I felt like time had stopped. It was only until I heard him say that we had to go that I realized we were still holding each other. I nodded slightly and he pushed himself up, still keeping his hand on my back. I knew that he wouldn't let me go until he had to. He put his hands on my waist while George and the Inspector took my hands and pulled me out. I was still shaking from lack of air and my knees gave out as soon as they let me go.

"I'm fine," I breathed and motioned for them to help William out of the grave.

When he had emerged, he came over to me and helped me stand although I was still weak.

"Can you walk?" he asked gently, his arm holding me up.

I nodded, but when I took a step, I dropped slightly again. He didn't hesitate this time and scooped me up into his arms, his strong legs striding away from the cemetery and to the carriage they had arrived in. George and the Inspector climbed in shortly afterward and sat quietly across from us, looking from William to me every so often. Although I knew it wasn't proper, I leaned into William and he put his arm around my shoulder.

After a few moments of silence, I suddenly remembered. "Darcy," I said worriedly, straightening up.

William stiffened, but said quietly, "He is on his way home from Montreal. I'm taking you home and he will be informed as soon as he arrives. But first, I insist you see a doctor."

Not wishing to argue with him, as I knew it could last a while, I simply nodded and relaxed into him again.

We arrived at my house and William helped me out of the carriage. I was able to walk now, and he escorted me through the door. It seemed that Darcy had yet to arrive and I immediately started up the stairs to my room, wishing to get out of my clothes and into a hot bath as soon as possible.

I turned on the stairs to see William watching me in the doorway. I went quickly back down to him and hugged him tightly. He seemed shocked at my action, but soon softened and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him.

"Thank you William," I whispered softly.

"I'm just so glad you're safe Julia," he replied.

I touched his arm and looked into those deep brown eyes that had always been so soft and full of love. Now, however, there was something else hidden there as well and I recognized the pain I had seen there too many times before. It had been there when I told him of my abortion, my sterility, that I was moving to Buffalo, that I was engaged to Darcy, and then when I would no longer be working at the morgue. How many times had I broken both of our hearts and how many times had things been left unsaid between us? Two long years had passed and as each instance came flooding back to me, tears filled my eyes as they had on each of those occasions as well. Now I saw it as a reminder that I was married to Darcy and that he would be home any minute to comfort me and hold me, as I knew William so desperately wanted to do, and truthfully as I, too, wanted him to.

As I sat watching the stars, still curled up on the window seat, I thought of how Darcy had come running up the front steps at that moment, having been informed by the Inspector of what had transpired. He quickly pushed past William, not acknowledging him, and grabbed me into a crushing embrace.

"Darling!" he held me away from him, holding my face gently in his hands as though his gaze would yield answers. "Are you alright? Inspector Brackenreid just told me what happened? How did this happen? Why?" His questions flooded out and I was overwhelmed and suddenly felt claustrophobic, like I was back in the box.

"Darcy, please," I said gently, pushing myself away from him.

"I'm sorry Julia," he said, calming down slightly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Darcy I'm fine now," I replied. "William saved my life," I looked past Darcy and smiled slightly at William who was still standing in the doorway, watching silently.

"Oh, yes, of course," Darcy said, suddenly aware of William's presence. "Thank you Detective for finding and saving my wife," he said honestly, although it was strained.

William shook Darcy's outstretched hand and nodded. "I must be going," he said quietly. "Julia, please get a doctor to examine you."

"I will," I said, moving to him to take his hand in both of mine. "And thank you."

He nodded once more and then tipped his hat to Darcy and left. I watched him walk down the pathway, his purposeful gate carrying him quickly out of sight. Too quickly, I thought to myself.

"Detective Murdoch is right, Julia," Darcy said from behind me. "You should have a doctor look at you."

"Could you do it, Darcy?" I asked. "I really don't want to deal with anyone else right now."

"Of course," he said, surprised, as though he had forgotten that he was a doctor.

"I'm going to have a bath first," I said, moving away from him and toward the stairs again.

"Julia," he said, stopping me with his hand on mine. "How did this happen?" he asked for the second time.

"Please, Darcy, I don't want to talk about it right now. Tomorrow," I said, turning away.

I had locked myself in the bathroom, turning on the tap and dropping my skirt at my ankles. I removed my corset as the room filled with steam and I was finally able to take a fulfilling deep breath without the constraints. I climbed in the tub, ignoring the scalding hot water and sank down. What I hadn't realized was how cold six feet beneath the ground had really been. The water was soothing and I relaxed. The tension I had been holding ever since James Gillies had abducted me was finally being released. I shuddered at his name, but forced myself to concentrate on the water and the sound of it rippling over my skin and dripping from my fingers.

I heard a knock at the door and Darcy's voice from the other side. "Julia? "

"Yes, Darcy?"

"You should come to bed now, you need to sleep," he said in his doctor tone.

"Yes, all right, I'll be out in a moment," I called back.

The water had cooled anyway and as I stood up, wrapping a towel around me, I saw that night had begun to fall.


	2. Chapter 2

I came out of the bathroom, tying the knot of my dressing gown sash tight around my waist. I walked into the bedroom and sat at the chair of my dressing table and started pulling the pins from my hair. Darcy came in with a cup of warm milk, a glass of scotch, and his medicine bag.

"This is for you now," he said, handing me the scotch.

I downed it in one gulp and coughed slightly as the warm liquid burned my throat. It felt good and soothing.

"This is for when you're in bed," he said again, putting the cup of milk on my bedside table.

"And this," he held up his bag, "is for when you're ready to go to sleep."

I smiled gently. "Thank you, Darcy."

I finished with my hair and then went to my closet, pulling out one of my nightgowns. My head was splitting and I couldn't wait for the sedative that Darcy intended to give me. I needed as much sleep as possible.

I climbed into bed and sank against my pillow, bringing the milk to my lips. I finished it quickly and Darcy came over with his stethoscope, sphygmomanometer* and syringe. I rolled up my sleeve and waited as he finished testing my vitals and felt the sedative course into my system. Curling up with my pillow I closed my eyes and prayed that a restful sleep would come next, although I knew I was hoping for too much.

"Help! William! Help!"

"Julia!" I could hear his voice. It was distant, like it was still above the ground while I was trapped under it.

"William!" I screamed again, desperately trying to alert him as to where I was.

"Julia!" I heard it again and felt someone's arms shaking me. Suddenly, his voice changed and I saw James Gillies' face above me, smirking triumphantly as he closed the lid to the coffin, sealing the darkness around me.

I started thrashing my arms, trying to force myself out, but it was no use. The lid was being closed and there was nothing I could do but listen to Gillies' chuckle of revenge.

I was once again gasping for breath and screaming for William to help me. My eyes shot open and I was enveloped in darkness once more. My heart was pounding and I was sweating profusely. I felt someone holding onto me and tried to fight my way free, but Darcy's voice drifted through to me, past the hazy vision of a receding Gillies.

"Julia," Darcy said frantically. He gripped me tighter to him and once I realized I was safe again, I collapsed into him, choking out a sob.

"It's alright, darling," he said softly, stroking my hair. "You're safe here with me, it's alright."

My heart was slowing down, but I still felt the need for air.

"Open the window," I gasped.

Darcy immediately jumped out of the bed and pushed open the window. I followed him and leaned my head against the pane, drawing in as much fresh air as I could. Darcy stood behind me, his hands gently rubbing my arms. I shivered, though I wasn't sure if it was because of the cool night air or his touch. He wrapped his arms further around my body and I did feel comforted. I turned around and wrapped my own arms around his waist, burying my head in his chest. His hand came up to hold my head and he shushed me gently, trying to calm me down.

"Darcy," I whispered.

"Yes, Julia? What is it?" he asked, placing a kiss on my hair.

"I…" I didn't really have anything to say, but it felt as though if I said his name aloud, I would realize I was awake and not stuck in that nightmare. I breathed in his scent, now aware of reality. "Nothing."

"Are you okay now?" he asked gently.

I nodded and he helped me back to bed. I crawled under the covers and felt him come up behind me, his body pressing against mine and his arm wrapping around my stomach. He continued stroking my hair and murmured that I was safe with him and that he wouldn't let anyone harm me. I listened to his soft voice until I drifted off once more.

Upon waking the next morning, the events of the previous day came flooding back to me in a gut-wrenching wave. I had momentarily forgotten what had happened, but the memory sprang back into my mind and I shuddered. I turned over and found that Darcy had already gotten up and I leaned over to check the time. The clock read half-past eight. Despite the first nightmare, I had slept soundly once I fell back to sleep.

I pulled on my dressing gown and walked slowly down the stairs. I could hear Mrs. Weller in the kitchen. Truth be told, I wasn't overly fond of Mrs. Weller. She seemed rather attached to Darcy and while I wasn't jealous by any stretch of the imagination, she also seemed to have something against me though I couldn't put my finger on what. However, she did her job well and was always pleasant and polite, if reservedly so, and I couldn't fault her for that.

I walked into the kitchen and she turned at the sound of my footsteps.

"Good morning ma'am," she said, offering me a sympathetic smile. "I'm so glad to see you're up and about. I imagine that was quite the ordeal. I'll get you some tea."

Perhaps it was the circumstance, but she seemed especially kind this morning. "Thank you Mrs. Weller, I would appreciate that," I said. "I'll be in the parlour."

She nodded and I left, entering the sunlit room. Darcy was sitting in a chair, reading the newspaper. I could see the headline "TORONTO DOCTOR SAVED AFTER BEING BURIED ALIVE". I scoffed under my breath and Darcy looked up.

"Darling, you're awake. I thought you'd be asleep for another few hours yet. I gave you another sedative once you fell back asleep," he said, rising to embrace me.

"Thank you, Darcy," I replied, accepting his kiss. "It seems bad news really does travel fast, doesn't it?" I motioned to the paper.

"It's quite the circumstance, darling." He picked it back up and tossed it on the table. "But don't pay any attention to it. It'll soon blow over and you need to concentrate on moving on from it."

I smiled and nodded, knowing it would be easier said than done.

Mrs. Weller came in then and deposited the tea tray onto the table. "There are some biscuits there as well, ma'am. I thought you might be hungry."

"Thank you," I replied, sitting in front of the table. I was rather hungry, not having eaten anything since Gillies had attacked me. I poured both Darcy and myself a cup of tea and held it out to him.

He took it from me, silently watching as I fixed my own. He sat across from me, on the edge of his chair, still watching my every move as though I would suddenly break apart at any second.

"Darcy, I'm fine," I said, exasperatedly, finally looking him straight in the eyes to prove that I was telling the truth. I hoped he'd believe it.

"Very well, Julia," he said, leaning back in his chair. He relaxed somewhat and changed the subject. "I have to go to the hospital for a few hours, but I'll be back before dinner. What will you do?"

"I think I'd like to take a walk," I said. "I feel I need wide open spaces right now."

"Understandable," he replied. "Please be careful though."

"Darcy, James Gillies is in custody, he can't hurt me anymore."

"I know, but I worry," he said quietly.

His face scrunched up painfully and I suddenly realized what this meant for him as well. After all, he did love me and I had almost died. I wasn't the only one affected by it.

I leaned forward and held out my hand to him, which he took immediately. "I'll be careful, I promise," I said reassuringly. He bent down and pressed his lips to my hand.

He sat back in his chair again and sighed. "Julia," he began cautiously.

"Yes?"

"I'd like to ask you again," he approached it gently. "Why and how did this happen?"

I braced myself for my explanation, knowing that it wouldn't make him feel any better, but he deserved to know the truth and I saw no need in lying to him. I had done nothing wrong and had no reason to be nervous. Nevertheless, my heart started beating faster and I took a deep breath.

***Blood pressure cuff – I figured Julia would use the proper term, but wanted to clarify here**


	3. Chapter 3

"James Gillies and his friend Robert Perry were two students who murdered their professor about two years ago. William convinced Robert Perry to tell him the truth and then explained the murder in detail in front of the rest of their class, humiliating them and confirming their guilt. As it would seem, James Gillies never got over the fact that William had him put in jail and sentenced to hang," I stopped to take a breath, reliving this was going to be harder than I thought.

"A few days you left for Montreal, I let Mrs. Weller go home for the night. I was sitting in the living room when I heard a knock at the door. When I went to open it, a rather unattractive woman was standing there. She had long blonde hair and was made up very heavily. She called me by name and said she was from the hospital and that you had asked her to pick up something from the house while you were away. She had a file with your signature on it. I invited her in and went to your desk to retrieve whatever it was she was looking for and when I returned, James Gillies stood in her place."

"I asked him what he was doing and how he had escaped and he explained it all. He was so calm and calculating!" I said, working myself up again. Anger was taking hold of me once again as I remembered how stupid I had been to let him into the house and to trust him. "He started talking about how he wanted to take revenge on William because of what he'd done and he thought that getting to me was the best way."

"How Julia?" Darcy finally spoke. His voice dripped with accusation. His eyes stared at me, unblinking in their search for the truth. What were my true feelings towards William?

"Somehow Gillies knew of our close working relationship and how much we meant to one another. William is a very dear friend, Darcy, despite your compunctions about him. Apparently Gillies found out about that friendship and decided it was the best way to manipulate William into dropping his guard and failing."

Darcy was quiet for a moment, contemplating what I had just said. He seemed angry and yet it was only a brief flicker across his face. He looked down at the floor, then back up at me, his composure regained. "What then?"

"He came toward me and while I tried to fight him off, he held a cloth soaked in chloroform to my face. I blacked out and awoke in the wooden box. He kept taunting me, telling me to call for William because he was the only one who could save me. He showed me the doll that looked like me and said he was making a recording for William just like the others. His incessant provocations were terrifying and so I cried out for William and that's what ended up in the doll. He chloroformed me again and the next thing I knew, I was banging on the inside of the box and screaming for help." I finished with a shudder as I felt the walls closing in on me again.

I got up quickly and ran to the front door, flinging it open and feeling instant relief as a breeze blew past me. I felt Darcy approach behind me.

"I can't say I understand it, Julia, but I'm thankful you're safe and for that, I'll be forever grateful to Murdoch," he said quietly. I turned to face him.

"Darcy, I don't expect you to understand. I have a hard time understanding the mind of such a monster myself," I replied. I knew that wasn't what he meant however. I could sense that he wanted to ask more questions about why I was so important to William and why I fit into Gillies' plot, but I found myself willing him to accept the truth that I had just told him and leave it alone.

There was no denying that I still felt strongly connected and attracted to William. He was my best friend and we were equal and alike in so many ways that I couldn't help but remember times we'd had working together, and others. And somehow I knew that that was something Darcy couldn't and wouldn't understand.

He nodded slowly, and looked away. "I have to go to work now," he said. "Don't over exert yourself too much today. You're still recovering from shock."

I raised my eyebrows as his doctor tone taking over once again. "Yes, Darcy," I murmured, placating him. Patronizing was something I seldom accepted, but I felt disinclined to argue with Darcy, so I let it go.

He pecked my cheek and grabbed his coat, hat, and bag from Mrs. Weller who was waiting discreetly in the hall.

After he had gone, I went upstairs and changed for the day. When I came back downstairs, Mrs. Weller was dusting around the dining room.

"Mrs, Weller," I called to her.

"Yes ma'am?" she came out into the hall.

"I'm going for a walk and I'd like to pick up a couple things. I should be back in a couple of hours. Is there anything I can pick up for you?" I asked, pulling on my gloves.

"No thank you, ma'am," she said, turning back into the dining room.

I nodded and left, breathing in the fresh air once more. Never again would I take it for granted.

I walked quickly and it didn't take me long to reach the police station. As I walked in, I encountered George sitting at his desk.

"Doctor!" he looked up, surprised. "How good to see you out so soon. I thought for sure you would be resting still. That was quite the ordeal you went through. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, George, thank you for your concern," I said, smiling at his genuine apprehension. "It was quite the ordeal, but I find myself becoming rather confined at home and I needed fresh air and a nice long walk."

"That's perfectly understandable, Doctor," he nodded in agreement. He looked to the window of William's office and smiled.

"Detective Murdoch is in his office right now. I'm sure he is eager to know how you are doing."

"Thank you, George," I said, turning to go in. I stopped and looked back at George who had buried his head in his work again. "George. I also wanted to thank you for helping save me. If you hadn't been there as well, I know I would probably have run out of air, so thank you."

He blushed. "We would do anything for Detective Murdoch," he said loyally, meaning himself more than anyone. "And you're important to all of us, Doctor."

Tears crept into my eyes. "You're a special friend too, George. And thank you."

He blushed again and turned away to hide the fact. I smiled to myself and walked to William's door.

I knocked on the open door and was happy to see his familiar form bending over a new project. He looked up at my knock.

"Julia," he said, smiling brightly and looking relieved, but surprised.

"Hello William," I replied.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, confused.

"I needed a walk and decided to visit. I do hope you don't object," I smiled.

"No, of course not, but shouldn't you be at home, resting?" he said, worriedly.

"The house makes me feel a little claustrophobic right now," I said.

"But after what you went through, you should really..." he started.

"_I'm completely fine, William,"_ I insisted.

"_You almost died. Because of me."_ Guilt crept into his voice.

I sighed. _"You can't blame yourself for the actions of a deranged criminal," _I said, stepping towards him.

"_And Darcy? He must find me at fault to some degree."_

"_He's admittedly curious to know why someone would seek their revenge on you by endangering me."_

"_And, if I may ask, what did you tell him,"_ he asked cautiously.

Once again, I had little reason to make up an excuse. _"The truth,"_ I said simply. He looked somewhat relieved by my answer so I continued. _"That somehow Mr. Gillies knew how much we meant to one another,"_ I paused, my own words affecting me more than I thought they would. Explaining the truth to William here now confirmed just how true it rang. _"Our history… working together. And our friendship."_

"_And I apologize for putting that at risk,"_ he said quickly. _"Never again do I want to feel such desperation."_

He looked tormented as though he really had lost me. I stepped closer to assure him that everything was all right and to feel the comfort of his closeness.

"_Do you know how I survived? I knew you'd come William," _I said, taking his hands in mine, for his sake as much as my own. _"Even if you had to move heaven and earth to do it, I… I knew you'd find me." _ My voice cracked and I felt my emotion begin to overwhelm me again. I needed him to know just how much I trusted him and how much faith I had in him. He looked lovingly at me. I tried to tell him, without speaking for I didn't know if I could go on, that no matter what the situation and no matter how much danger I would be placed in, I knew he'd never fail me. Even though I wasn't his wife, which was beginning to pain me more than I could imagine, I knew he would always be there for me.

He closed his eyes in relief and I could see the guilt leaving his mind as his hands tightened around mine. I pulled one hand away from his and placed it on his cheek.

"I'm here William, and I'm safe," I whispered gently. Although I knew it was an inappropriate gesture, I felt the need to be closer to him without risking unwanted glances. He nodded slowly, his brow furrowing and I saw tears glisten in his eyes.

"Please don't, William,"I said, smiling softly to ward off my own tears which were threatening to spill.

He took a deep breath and squeezed my hands again, then pulled away. "You should go home and rest, Julia."

"I will," I promised. "I just wanted to come by and thank you again."

The corner of his mouth curved upward in the awkward, yet adorable smile I knew and loved so well.

"I'm glad you did, Julia. I…" he began. "I have missed seeing you at the morgue."

"As have I," I replied quietly. I looked down at my feet, wondering, yet again, if my choices had been for the best after all.

After a brief silence I looked up to see him watching me. I put on a brave smile, as I was wont to do, and took his hand in both of mine again.

"Goodbye, William."

"Goodbye, Julia. Take care of yourself."

"I will. And I expect the same from you," I said laughingly. "No more getting yourself in trouble with ex-convicts."

He chuckled and I felt a shiver run down my spine. I turned around and left the station, with much reluctance.

On my way home, I passed through a market and noticed a pot of flowers sitting at the front of a vendor's stall. They were tall and had a beautiful lavender hue to them.

"I think of you," said a voice from behind me.

I turned to see the vendor standing beside me, gazing at the lovely flower as well. "That's what they mean," he explained.

I smiled at the memory that now seemed so far away. "Yes," I said wistfully. "Indeed they do."

**I didn't mean for it to sound so final - don't worry, it will be continued.**


	4. Chapter 4

Darcy stirred in his sleep and I was brought out of my memories and back to my window seat. I looked over at him and saw him turn over a few times. He once told me he slept restlessly when I wasn't beside him and as he reached over to my side of the bed, presumably to pull me closer to him, I saw him frown at my absence. It had been weeks since we'd last had relations. Ever since he had stopped asking me to attend functions with him and had reprimanded me for threatening his reputation, I had been making up excuses as to why I didn't want to be intimate with him and finally he had stopped trying.

It was also then that Anna Fulford had reappeared in William's life and I knew they had become close again. When I watched him escort her out of the morgue after the fake attempt on her life, I felt jealously seep through me like a disease. William had asked for my help in the whole scheme and, as a doctor, it would look far more realistic for me to feel her pulse and pronounce her dead. William's desperate cries on the dock were so real that I felt like bursting into tears myself at his loss. But I knew I was thinking irrationally. Anna was a sweet woman and I knew that she deeply cared for William. I had no right to be jealous. I had been the one to let him go and live a life he deserved after all. Now _she_ was leaving _him_ forever in order to be free and I couldn't be angry with that. I felt so sorry for William, losing every woman he had ever loved, through no fault of his own. First it had been his mother, then his fiancée, then his sister, then me, and now Anna. It was a cruel fate that William was dealt and I prayed he'd find happiness soon.

Darcy groaned, bringing me out of my thoughts once more. I sighed impatiently and got up, wrapping my dressing gown around me. I went downstairs to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. It was getting colder as October was drawing to a close. I put a couple logs on the fireplace and lit a match, watching the tinder catch the sparks and flicker into a larger flame. Sitting on the chair closest to the fireplace, I drew my legs up underneath me and sipped my tea. I was mesmerized by the flames and didn't hear Darcy approach until he spoke.

"Another nightmare, Julia?" he asked, sounding somewhat exasperated.

"Yes," I said, not looking at him.

"You should come back to bed. Sitting here won't help you," he said.

"I'm not tired right now."

"Just come lie down. Maybe you'll drift off," he insisted.

"Darcy, please. I'm not tired and I'd like to sit here for a little while," I snapped, in no mood to deal with him. He was usually a heavy sleeper and so I thought I would have a few hours of peace to myself.

"Fine," he huffed and turned to go back upstairs. I heard him pause and take a breath, then apparently change his mind and leave the room.

I looked back at the flames, watching them leap around the logs of wood, and wondered what I could do to get my life back on the right path.

I squinted at the beam of sunlight coming through the window and hesitantly opened my eyes to find that I was still curled up in the chair by the fire. The fire had dwindled down to a pile of glowing ashes and as I stood up, I winced at the cramp making it's way up my leg. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost seven o'clock and I would have to leave for work in an hour. I went upstairs into my bedroom and entered just as Darcy was coming out of the bathroom. He stopped when he saw me and nodded curtly.

"Good morning, Julia," he muttered.

"Good morning," I replied.

"I checked on you again early this morning, but you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you," he told me.

"Thank you," I said, genuinely appreciating his concern.

He smiled slightly, his face relaxing, and I knew that last night's outburst was forgiven. Not that I sought it, but it made life easier.

"I have to do something about these nightmares, Darcy," I said, rubbing my forehead. My temples were throbbing from lack of sleep and tension.

"I don't know what, Julia," he replied, as he continued to pile papers into his valise. "All I can suggest is a sleeping draft."

"I can't be reliant on sleeping drafts every night forever," I said.

"I don't think the nightmares will last forever, Julia," he said, sardonically.

"You know what I mean, Darcy," I glared at him. "They were fine the first few nights and then they started up again when William told me that James Gillies had escaped. He's out there somewhere and he could attempt something again, Darcy. I can't live my life fearing him every day _and_ night. I need sleep!" I finished, collapsing in the chair beside me, holding my head in my hands.

"I know, Julia, I know and I'm sorry," he said gently, approaching me. He pulled me up into an embrace and I rested my head on his shoulder. As much as we were drifting apart, it was comforting to be held.

He kissed me gently then, but I pulled away before he became too insistent. He rolled his eyes and stepped away, grabbing his valise from the bureau.

"Let me know if you think of anything and I'll see what I can do," he said and with that, he left for the day.

I had already thought of a solution, however, but I didn't dare mention it to Darcy yet for fear that he would quickly dismiss the idea. Despite his somewhat unorthodox practices, I knew that Dr. Roberts would be willing to help me and at this point, I was more than ready to try anything.

I finished getting ready and when I arrived at the office, after some my preliminary check ups and rounds, I picked up the telephone.

"Dr. Roberts," I heard him say on the other end.

"Good morning, Dr. Roberts, it's Dr. Julia Ogden calling," I said.

"Ah, Dr. Ogden," his tone brightened. "What a delightful surprise! How might I be of assistance? Has one of your patients started hallucinating again?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I'm not calling for one of my patients, but rather for myself," I told him.

"I see. What seems to be the problem, Doctor?" he asked worriedly.

"I wonder if I might visit you this afternoon, if you have some time?"

"Of course," he said immediately. I heard him flipping pages of what I presumed to be his diary. "Does two o'clock work for you?"

"Yes, yes that will be perfect," I said, feeling relieved at not having to wait a day longer. "Thank you very much, Dr. Roberts."

"Not at all Doctor. Good day."

"Good day."

I sat in my chair, feeling lighter than I had all morning. Of course, it was just a consultation, I had no idea if Dr. Roberts would actually be able to help me. However, I still waited for two o'clock to arrive with baited breath.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dr. Ogden," Dr. Roberts rose from his chair and greeted me with an outstretched hand.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Roberts," I said, shaking it.

"How lovely to see you," he said, smiling. "I hope you've come here under pleasant circumstances?" He offered me a chair and I sat down, waiting until he was also seated before beginning my explanation for being there.

"Not exactly," I said with a slight laugh, trying to lighten the situation. "I don't know if you had read about it or not, but a couple weeks ago… I was buried alive."

His eyebrows raised in comprehension. "Ah yes, I had heard about that. What an awful thing to go through," he said sympathetically. "I was so glad to read that you were saved in time."

"As was I," I said with another laugh. It seemed to be my defence mechanism to smile or laugh during serious moments.

He smiled gently and I continued. "The first few nights after it happened were uneventful, but the fourth night, I started having horrible recurring nightmares."

He nodded understandingly.

"As you can imagine, they always involve me being trapped inside the box, screaming for help and trying to fight my way out. I never know whether I end up dead or not because I always wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. It's become so bad that I'm afraid to go to sleep at night and when exhaustion finally takes over, I inevitably wake up, sometimes screaming. And I always awaken at two o'clock," I finished.

He frowned. "Well, I'm not sure about the time at which you wake, but the subject of your dream and the _ways_ in which you wake are consistent with trauma. You've suffered immensely at the hands of a deranged lunatic and it's no wonder you're frightened to sleep. We often feel vulnerable at night when we sleep, unable to comprehend what is going on around us. Our subconscious is what controls our minds when we sleep and our deepest fears, desires, and thoughts emerge through our dreams, whether we are aware of them or not. What you describe is not necessarily a fear of which you are _not_ aware, but clearly something that you are afraid will happen again."

"Is there any way you can help me?" I asked desperately. "I'm worried that my lack of sleep is beginning to affect my work and therefore the health of my patients. And my own health as well!"

He looked at me hesitantly. "I've been working on a new type of hypnosis that could help you. However, it has yet to be sanctioned by medical authorities, as most of my research and methods often do. It will be an experimental form of therapy, but I have a feeling it might work."

"Please, Dr. Roberts, I'm willing to try anything if it will only stop these nightmares," I begged.

He nodded, his brow still furrowed as he wrote something on a sheet of paper.

"Why don't you come back tomorrow at the same time and we will discuss it further and try it," he suggested.

I breathed a sigh of relief and got up. "Thank you so much, Dr. Roberts," I said, shaking his hand again.

"I warn you, Dr. Ogden, it may not work to your satisfaction, but we will try," he said cautiously.

I nodded in understanding and left.

The rest of my day passed without incident and when I returned home rather late in the evening, having missed dinner again, I joined Darcy in the parlour.

"You're home late again," he said without looking up from his paper.

"Yes," I said, sitting on the sofa opposite him, refusing to allow his sour expression to dampen my mood. "I had an appointment this afternoon and then some work to catch up on this evening."

He stopped reading and met my eyes. "What appointment was that? I don't recall you mentioning anything about it to me."

"It was a last minute appointment that I made this morning at work," I explained. "And I didn't think I had to tell you of every appointment I make for myself." It was going to be difficult to discuss this with him, but he did have a right to know what I was going to do.

"I see," he said slowly. "And? What was the appointment for?"

"I went to see Dr. Roberts at the asylum," I said evenly.

I had Darcy's complete attention now, as I knew I would. He was hardly accepting of Dr. Roberts' practice of psychology.

"I had no other option, Darcy," I said, staring at him, refusing to back down. "He has suggested an experimental therapy to help with my nightmares."

"An experimental therapy?" he said disbelievingly. "So it isn't even a proper form of therapy yet and you're willing to subject yourself to possible harm?"

"Darcy, I don't know what else to do!" I said, getting angrier by the second. "Why can't you stand by me on this? It's a matter of my health and my sanity and yet your narrow-minded opinions of Dr. Roberts' methods seem to be blocking your ability to see that!"

"Julia, I want to help you with this as much as I can, but I don't want you to undergo treatment that hasn't even been proven yet!" he yelled back. "It could be more dangerous than you think!"

"And if it is, I will stop immediately, but Dr. Roberts hasn't made any mistakes with his patients before and I trust him!" I snapped, getting up.

"You're too stubborn for your own good!" he said, following me upstairs.

"I'm stubborn because I want to stop having nightmares about being buried alive?" I scoffed, not believing what he just said.

"That's not what I mean," he huffed. "You won't consider any other treatment, you just jump headlong into something you know nothing about!"

"Which is why I'm meeting with Dr. Roberts to discuss it further. I'm not stupid, Darcy, I've thought this through very carefully and I haven't been able to come up with any other solution! I'm going to try it and you won't change my mind," I said finally, closing the bedroom door before he had a chance to follow me in.

I heard him groan in frustration outside the door and then make his way back downstairs, knowing he'd lost the argument.

I leaned against the door, breathing deeply as I tried to calm myself down. It seemed that every discussion we had lately turned into a battle. No matter what the topic, we inevitably disagreed and, because both of us we so determined, we usually agreed to call a truce before we exhausted ourselves. It was another reason as to why we hadn't had sexual relations in a long time. After one particularly heated argument, we had suddenly found ourselves in the bedroom, tearing at each other's clothing in anger and desperation. Although it had been one of the best encounters we'd ever had, and was one of the few times I'd seen Darcy so passionate about anything other than his work, we both regretted it immediately and promised each other it wouldn't happen again. Besides, he had destroyed one of my best corsets. It was also one of the many times I'd imagined William in his place. I knew it wasn't fair to Darcy, but sometimes I couldn't help it, and even more times I didn't try to. But it frustrated me just as much when we'd finished and I looked over to find Darcy lying next to me instead of William. So, for my own sake as much as his, I stopped encouraging his attempts.

It was getting late and I got ready for the night and climbed into bed, falling asleep almost immediately, albeit with anxiety filling my head. As expected, I awoke gasping at two o'clock. As I looked next to me, I saw that Darcy wasn't there. I got up and made my way across the hall to the guest bedroom. I saw him in the bed, tossing around restlessly. He looked so young when he slept, like a little boy and I felt guilty for having shut him out. Then I remembered why we had argued and the guilt dissipated. This time he _was_ in the wrong and I wasn't going to give in so easily just for the sake of a truce.

Going back to my own room, I lit the lamp and picked up my book from the bedside table, willing myself to forget everything and fall back asleep.

I eventually did, for when I woke up the next morning, I found the book flung onto the floor and the lamp still lit. I got up, going immediately into the bathroom to take my bath. I heard Darcy leave the guest room and move into ours, getting dressed for the day. I emerged shortly after and went to my dressing table to pin up my hair. Looking into my mirror, I saw him standing behind me.

"I'm sorry, Julia," he said gently. "I had no right to speak to you that way and even less right to question your judgment. You are right in trying to find some way to help these nightmares stop. I can't try to understand what you're going through so if this method works, then I'll be happy for you and if not, we'll keep trying."

I didn't say anything for a few seconds, but put down my hairbrush and turned to face him.

"Thank you, Darcy," I replied quietly. "I just wish you could trust my decisions more."

"I know, Julia and I will, I promise," he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "Have a good day and good luck with your appointment with Dr. Roberts," he said, straightening up. "Please be careful."

"I will," I said and watched him leave, eagerly, yet nervously anticipating my day.


	6. Chapter 6

"Did you have another nightmare last night?" Dr. Roberts asked shortly after I sat down.

"Yes," I replied. "The same as the others."

"May I ask what your husband thinks of your coming to see me?"

I smiled sympathetically. "I'm afraid he doesn't approve of your methods, but he has said that he will support my decision if it will help me."

"I see," he nodded.

"I trust you though, Dr. Roberts," I told him sincerely. "I am confident that this will help."

He smiled at my words. "Here," he said, handing me a book. "Although we will discuss what this is all about now, I think you should read about it yourself. It will help you form your own opinions."

I took it and looked at the cover: _Neurypnology, or the Rationale of Nervous Sleep_ by James Braid.

"He was one of the leading founders in hypnosis," Dr. Roberts explained.

"Yes," I said, nodding. "I've read about him on numerous occasions. Thank you for this."

"Now, what is going to happen is that you're going to be wearing a cap on your head which is hooked up to that machine," he said, pointing to the corner. I looked and saw a rather small machine with various switches and buttons. "It will pass an electric current through your brain which will induce an immediate seizure."

My eyes widened in shock. Perhaps this was more dangerous than I'd expected.

"It's quite safe, I assure you," he said quickly, seeing my expression. "The seizure will cause you to go unconscious and then allow you to be more susceptible to hypnotic suggestions. In this way, you will be more relaxed and less aware of your surroundings and therefore will respond to what I suggest."

"How fascinating," I said, completely entranced with his explanation.

"Are you willing to try it?" he asked, encouraged by my reaction.

I nodded eagerly.

"Good, now come over here and sit down," he said, taking my hand and leading me to the chair.

I took off my hat and he placed the leather cap on my head. It had wires threading in and out of it and as he strapped it under my chin, I could feel the metal inductors pressing into my temples.

"I'm going to put you under an anaesthetic and you won't feel anything. You will not remember what I've told you, nor will you remember having the seizure," he explained gently.

I nodded nervously. He placed the chloroform cloth over my face and I lost consciousness.

When I awoke, I was lying on the couch in Dr. Roberts' office. He was sitting close to me, making notes in a book and watching me carefully. I lay there for a few moments, knowing that it would take some time for me to fully emerge from the sedation. I sat up and Dr. Roberts handed me a glass of water.

"How do you feel?" he asked, checking my vital signs.

"A little dizzy and I have a bit of a headache , but other than that, I feel fine," I replied, rubbing my forehead.

He made some more notes and then helped me stand.

"I don't remember anything," I said.

"As I said," he replied. "The suggestions I gave you will emerge in your subconscious and hopefully stop your nightmares of being buried alive. We shall try this treatment twice more this week and if by the end of it, you are still having nightmares, then we will try something else."

"Thank you Dr. Roberts, I will certainly let you know," I said, relieved that it might just work.

That night I lay in bed, torn between being afraid to fall asleep for fear that the treatment hadn't worked at all, and being excited that it had and wanting to fall asleep to test it. Finally, after waiting an hour, sleep overcame me.

I awoke with a gasp. It was still dark and I leaned over to check the clock. Two, it read. However, something about this night had been different. I wasn't gasping for air or sweating heavily, I realized. I thought back to my dream and what had caused me to wake up. It had started as usual, opening my eyes to find myself in the box. I screamed for help and called William's name and pounded on the box, desperate to free myself. However, this time, I was only screaming for a few minutes before I suddenly felt air rush into my lungs and a burst of sunlight fell on my face. A shadow hovered above me and I could hear a voice calling my name, but I couldn't identify it. All I knew was that I was safe.

Lying in bed, I could feel tears rolling down my face. It had worked. I smiled and sighed in relief and found myself crying even harder. I sat up, holding my face in my hands and sobbed.

"Julia?" Darcy asked in the darkness. "What's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"It worked," I choked out.

"What has?" he asked, confused.

"Dr. Roberts' treatment," I smiled. "The nightmares have changed! This one ended with me being pulled out of the box instead of being trapped. Darcy, it's working!"

"Oh, Julia, that's wonderful," he said and I could tell that he genuinely meant it. Despite our now strained marriage, I knew that he never wished me any harm or discomfort. "I'm sorry for having misjudged Dr. Roberts. I'm so happy that it has worked for you. How many more treatments?"

"Until the nightmares stop completely I suppose," I said, wiping away my tears as my sobs had finally stopped. I breathed another sigh of relief and fell back against my pillow, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.

"Get some more sleep, Julia," Darcy whispered and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Good night, Darcy."

A few days later, I sat in Dr. Roberts' office again.

"Well?" he asked, pen at the ready to record his success or failure.

"It worked!" I said excitedly. "The nightmares have changed and I'm no longer trapped in the box indefinitely. I'm saved by someone who is calling my name, and air rushes back into my lungs and I can see the sunlight above me. I still woke up at two o'clock, but it wasn't in a cold sweat and I wasn't gasping for air. I think the gasp that awoke me was more of surprise than anything," I finished with a laugh.

"I'm so pleased," Dr. Roberts replied, smiling. "I'm pleased that my experiment has worked and that I have been able to help you! This is a great triumph for us both. Shall we try it again?"

"Yes," I replied, removing my hat in anticipation. I went and sat in the chair as Dr. Roberts prepared the chloroform and put the cap on my head. He placed the cloth over my face and I blacked out seconds later.

I emerged from the anesthetic, once again lying on Dr. Roberts' couch. I drank the water he handed me and sat up slowly, allowing him to check my vitals.

"How do you feel this time?" he asked.

"Better," I replied. "I don't have the headache I had before, but that could be because of the relief."

"That is true," he contemplated. "Rest here for a few minutes. I shall be back momentarily."

I nodded and he left. I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes and breathing deeply, trying to steady myself after the effects of the chloroform.

Dr. Roberts returned and I got up to put my hat and coat back on.

"I hope this will prove to be another successful treatment," he said optimistically.

"As do I, Dr. Roberts, but I have every faith in the world now," I said, shaking his hand as I turned to leave.

"I shall see you on Friday for another, then Dr. Ogden."

"Indeed you shall," I smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Roberts' treatments worked miracles. Within weeks I no longer had nightmares and was finally able to sleep through the night. I also found myself increasingly drawn to the study of psychology. It was so fascinating how one's dreams were manifestations of underlying thoughts and desires and the more I read about it, from books borrowed from Dr. Roberts, the more intrigued I became. I wanted to know more about what made people think the way they did and how it affected their everyday decisions, relationships, and attitudes. I knew it was fast becoming an accepted field of science and I desperately wanted to be a part of it. If what Dr. Roberts had done for me was only the beginning of the avenues I could explore, then I was going to have to learn everything I could.

I continued to visit Dr. Roberts, watching him assess patients, deliver diagnoses and treatments and he was a willing and helpful teacher, excited at the prospect of more interest in the field. Every day was something new and compelling. I was particularly interested in Sigmund Freud's analysis of dreams and the unconscious, but it all fascinated me.

The weeks went by and soon it was a few days before Christmas. Wreaths were being hung from people's doors as well as on various lamps throughout the streets. I had always loved Christmas. It was a magical time for everyone. The snow that had been steadily falling glistened in the sunlight, making it look like the ground was covered in diamonds. It was such a beautiful time of year and I didn't mind the cold, for the anticipation that the first snowfall brought of Christmas brought me back to being ten years old again. I loved roasting chestnuts and hanging mistletoe, trimming the Christmas tree with candles and tinsel, and the generosity that came with the purest of joys during the season.

As I walked down Yonge Street, I glanced into all the shop windows. I had no idea of what to get Darcy for Christmas. He was the type of man who had everything he needed already. I settled on an elegant pair of cufflinks and a new tie, since all of his were horribly out of date. I found a new black doctor's bag for my father, as Ruby had told me his was getting worn, and I bought a beautiful ruby pendant for Ruby and had her initials engraved on the back. I thought it fitting and since I knew she was looking for a new one, I decided it would be perfect. As I walked by a bookshop, a particularly striking cover caught my eye. It was a two-volume set of Winston Churchill's latest account of war in the Sudan, _The River War_. I knew William was a great admirer of Mr. Churchill's and had read his previous works.

I went to enter the bookstore and then stopped, looking back at the window display. It was the first Christmas that I was married and it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps buying William a present such as this was inappropriate. We were still very close and yet I wondered how it would look if I bought him such a personal gift. I looked down at my feet, biting my lip and pondering my predicament. Then I looked back at the display and remembered how much William meant to me, as a colleague and a friend if nothing else. We had always been close and nothing could erase that. He had also recently saved my life and for that I felt that a gift such as this could be a perfect reminder of my gratitude. Besides, they were simply books. It was not as though I was buying him an expensive pocket watch. I went inside and purchased the volumes, smiling when I thought of William's face when he saw it. It brought me back to the time I gave him the bullet extractor and I sighed at the far too distant memory and all the things that had happened since then.

I shook my head, took a deep breath and headed for home. Ruby and my father would be arriving soon and I needed to check with Mrs. Weller on what was going to be served for dinner. When I arrived the house already smelled of the sweet odour of pine and I knew Darcy had gone to get a Christmas tree. I hurried into the parlour and beamed at the tall, green and luscious tree.

"Do you like it?" I heard Darcy say from the doorway.

"Oh Darcy, it's just beautiful! It makes me feel like a little girl again!" I said excitedly, gazing at the tree and imagining it all lit and trimmed.

He smiled at my giggle. I walked toward the hall again, about to pick up my packages when he stopped me and looked up.

I followed his gaze and saw a bundle of mistletoe hanging above us. I smiled nervously and leaned away from him slightly.

"Julia," he said softly and I saw desire creep into his eyes. His hands wrapped around my waist and drew me to him and before I could react, he pressed his lips against mine. I responded out of instinct and he took it as a signal to keep going, his whole body leaning against me, and his kiss deepening.

"Darcy, please," I whispered, turning my head away. "I… I have to talk to Mrs. Weller."

I tried to move away, but he held me tighter.

"What's happened, Julia? Where did we go wrong?"

"I don't want to discuss this right now, not today," I said, disappointment on the edge of my tongue. He was ruining what was supposed to be my favourite time of year.

Darcy abruptly let me go. "Fine," he said sharply and turned to go upstairs and change for dinner.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Whether it was from relief or apprehension, I wasn't sure.

I was interrupted from my reverie by a knock at the door.

"Jules!" Ruby's chipper voice greeted me as I opened the door. We kissed and I saw my father standing behind her.

"Hello Julia," he said, kissing my cheek.

"Hello, Father," I returned.

"Oh Jules! The house looks absolutely enchanting," Ruby beamed, gesturing to everything around her.

"Thank you, Ruby," I laughed. Ruby and I always did have such happy memories of Christmas. I turned to my father and smiled warmly. Despite our own strained relationship, there was no denying that this time of year did bring us closer together, if only for a few days.

"Let me take your coats!" I said, momentarily forgetting myself.

They settled in nicely and we sat in the parlour, talking and taking turns putting decorations on the tree. When dinner was ready, we entered the dining room and sat down at a beautifully set table.

"So, Ruby," Darcy began. "How was your time in New York?"

"Oh it was just delightful! I met the most charming people!" she crooned. She went on to tell us about meeting John D. Rockefeller and his grand business ventures.

Oh Ruby, she never changes, I thought with a smile.

"Ruby, your stories never cease to be… diverting," Darcy said, unimpressed with her chattering.

I looked at Darcy incredulously.

"Why thank you Darcy," she smiled sweetly. "I must admit the people I meet are exciting. I wish I could say the same about the medical association. The people Julia introduce me to are always so stuffy and self-absorbed in what good deeds they are doing."

I could tell that Darcy's backhanded compliment didn't escape her notice and she was not going to let him belittle her work or her friends.

"Really, Ruby, I would think that doctors and medical professionals would be far more interesting because they help people rather than those who are just out to make a dollar," he said, his temper raising.

"Darcy," I started, astonished. "Ruby's line of work is completely different from ours and cannot be compared. The people she meets have obviously done a great deal of good for the American economy."

"And the artists, authors, members of royalty, and other notorious names that she's associated with?" he replied to me, yet still staring at Ruby. "What about the reputation of her family? Has that not been an issue?"

Ruby puffed out her chest at his remark and while I knew Darcy had never been particularly fond of Ruby and she of him, I never thought he would go this far. Yet, I could also tell that it wasn't just Ruby's actions that were making him say these things. He was hurt that I had rejected him and now that I thought about it, he had been drinking more than usual. It was a recipe for disaster.

My father stood, his face getting red with fury. "Young man!" he bellowed.

"Father please!" I stopped him. "Darcy, could I please see you in the kitchen for a moment," I said before anyone had a chance to say anything else. I glanced over at Ruby, flames of anger dancing in her eyes.

He followed me in and I turned on my heel, glaring at him.

"What are you doing? How dare you say those things to my sister!" I yelled.

"Julia! How can you say that? You've seen the way she's tainted your family's name, the way she carries on with every man she meets! And the last time I checked you didn't like it either."

"Don't be condescending. What I don't like is that she's always been so carefree and reckless, not her profession. She's a successful journalist and she's my sister, Darcy! I can't believe you! This is despicable and you're drunk," I said angrily.

He grabbed my arm as I turned to leave. "Julia," he breathed.

I cringed at the smell of his breath. "Darcy, you're going to apologize to Ruby or you can leave now," I said sternly, removing his hand from my arm.

"I will not apologize to that whore," he yelled.

My hand connected with his face in a burning slap before I could stop myself. "Get out, now," I growled deeply, shaking in anger.

He stood, stunned that I had slapped him. I turned and stalked out of the room. I went into the parlour where Ruby and my father had moved to and heard the front door slam.

"I'm so sorry for Darcy's behaviour, Ruby. It was unacceptable. I know it's no excuse, but he's drunker than I've ever seen him."

"It's alright, Jules," Ruby said sincerely, having calmed down from her anger. "What I said was unacceptable too. I don't honestly feel that way about your colleagues."

"I know that, Ruby," I said, sitting beside her. "But I'm not forgiving Darcy for what he said. I'm furious!" My fists clenched as hot tears filled my eyes.

"Where is Darcy?" Ruby asked.

"I told him to leave. I don't want to talk to him or look at him."

"Thank you, Jules," Ruby said gently, taking my hand. "I appreciate you sticking up for me, like you always have when I'm in a fix."

"Don't be silly, Ruby, you're my sister and despite our differences, I love you and I always have and always will."

She hugged me and said goodnight, retiring to her room.

I sat on the edge of the couch and put my head in my hands.

"Are you alright, Julia?" My father's calm voice drifted toward me.

"I just don't understand what's gotten into him," I replied, not looking up. "I've never seen him this way before."

I felt his hand gently rest on my shoulder. "Are things all right with you and Darcy, Julia? I get the sense that things aren't going well."

"I don't know, Father," I said, exasperatedly, trying to avoid the truth. I looked at him and tears welled up again.

"No," I choked out. "We're fighting more and I avoid him more than I want to see him and I'm so unhappy." I started to sob and he kept his hand on my back, rubbing it occasionally in comfort.

"I know we haven't been on very close terms, Julia, but as your father, I feel I must say something. Ruby has often talked about you and this Detective you work with," he said hesitantly.

I looked up at him and opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't, whether from shock that he was bringing the subject up or that Ruby had told him. I shouldn't have been surprised though. Ruby was hardly known for her discretion.

"She has told me about the way you two look at each other and how close of friends you've been."

I looked down, not denying anything he was saying. It would have been foolish to do so as I knew my father wouldn't believe me anyway. Despite our distance, he was still my father.

"Do you still have feelings for him, Julia?" he said bluntly.

I was shocked at my father's question. Never before had we discussed something so personal. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze as he watched me intently, waiting for my answer. But I couldn't answer. Instead I started to cry again, unable to handle all of this emotion and that was all the answer my father needed.

"I know why you married Darcy," he stated. "And I know that you loved him when you did marry, but from what I have heard and seen, you two don't understand one another. You're too busy trying to compete with each other's minds then mold them together. You have a decision to make, daughter."

He kissed the top of my head and went upstairs without another word. It was hardly a heartfelt talk, but behind his stony façade, there was something there.

What a horrible Christmas this was turning out to be. I went upstairs and brought down the presents I had bought earlier that day. Perhaps wrapping them would calm me down. I pulled out Darcy's gift and looked at it, remembering the awful things he had said about Ruby and put it aside. I pulled out the two-volume set I had bought for William and thought about how happy he would be with it and I found myself smiling. As I held the books, I could no longer keep telling myself that what I felt for William was just friendship anymore and that it would go away in time. That wasn't going to happen and while I had loved Darcy once, I had always loved William. I started wrapping the books and decided I would give them to him tomorrow.

I continued wrapping until all the presents were nestled under the now decorated tree and went upstairs to bed, carrying William's books with me. I placed them on the dressing table, got ready for bed and then settled down against my pillow. As I thought of seeing William tomorrow, I fell asleep, dreaming sweet dreams once again.


	8. Chapter 8

My hands were shaking when I walked into the station. I half hoped that he wasn't there so I could just deliver the gift and leave and yet I desperately wanted to see him. I could feel my knees going weak as well when I approached his office.

"Doctor Ogden!" George greeted me happily. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, of course, George," I said, hoping the anticipation didn't come across in my voice. "How are you?"

"Oh very well thank you, Doctor," he replied. "And you?"

"I'm fine as well. Is uh…" I pointed absently to William's office, unable to say his name.

George smiled knowingly. "I'm afraid not, Doctor, but he should be back any moment now, if you'd care to wait?"

"Yes, thank you George, I think I will," I said, sitting down in the chair he had pulled up for me.

"Have you any special plans for Christmas?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do!" he said excitedly. "My cousin Penny and I are going to my Aunt Primrose's for Christmas Eve and morning. It's always a fun time with Aunt Primrose. She makes the most delicious pumpkin pie!"

I laughed at his eagerness. "That sounds just lovely, George."

"Are you visiting any family, Doctor?" he queried.

"My father and Ruby are visiting for a few days," I said hesitantly. I didn't want to be reminded of last night's humiliation and left it at that.

George sensed my tension and just nodded, saying, "Well it's sure to be a very nice Christmas for you then."

"Indeed," I smiled back. I knew that Ruby had always been an intriguing soft spot for George.

"So George, have you had any more ideas for a new murder mystery novel?" I asked.

"Actually yes I have, Doctor!" he beamed. "Would you like to hear about it?"

"I would love to!" I said sincerely, while trying to stifle my giggle.

"Well, Doctor, it all takes place in a haunted hotel and someone is stalking the halls and murdering the guests one by one!" His face became very serious, and I couldn't help but laugh.

George abruptly stopped talking and looked past me. I followed his gaze and turned around and saw William watching us, a contented smile on his lips.

"Be sure to keep me informed about that idea, George. I can't wait to hear more," I said, winking at him and getting up.

"Oh indeed I will, Doctor," he grinned and returned to his work.

"Hello, William," I said approaching him, clutching the gift tightly so that my knuckles were turning white.

"Julia! What are you doing here?" he asked hesitantly, glancing around as if looking for Darcy.

"I came to wish you Merry Christmas," I said, trying to swallow my heart, which had leapt into my throat.

"Please, come in," he gestured to his office.

"This is for you," I said, turning around and holding out the gift to him.

"Oh, Julia, you didn't have to get me a gift," he said, surprised. Behind his surprise though, I could tell he was touched.

"I saw it and I simply couldn't resist."

He looked at me, remembering the bullet extractor as well and I knew that I had said those same words then as well.

The corner of his mouth upturned slightly in smirk and he set the gift on his desk, untying the ribbon. He looked down at the title of the volumes and back up at me, unsure of what to say.

"Julia, I… I don't know what to say," he stammered. He stood there for a few more seconds, taking in the gift and I watched him, trying to read his expression. So many emotions seemed to pass through him.

"Thank you!" he blurted out finally. "This is so thoughtful of you, Julia."

"Well, as I said, I saw them and thought you would enjoy them. I know how much you admire Mr. Churchill," I said.

"Oh, indeed I do," he beamed up at me and then came toward me and put his arms around me, hugging me to him tightly.

I gasped at the contact and then relaxed into his embrace. He broke away awkwardly, murmuring another thank you and then stepped toward his desk.

"I didn't think I'd be seeing you this week, but I got this for you as well," he said, quietly, still recovering from our hug. He pulled a small package out of his drawer and handed it to me.

"Oh, William, you didn't need to do this," I sighed, completely moved. I opened the box and saw a lovely cameo nestled in a silk cushion with a long gold chain. I inhaled sharply, raising my eyes to look at him.

"William, it's beautiful," I breathed.

"I… I thought she looked like you," he said quietly.

I looked down at the cameo again and realized that the woman carved in ivory did have similar features to me, which made the gift even more touching.

"Oh, William," I move to him and kissed his cheek. As I backed away, blushing from my bold gesture, he brought his fingers up to the spot where I kissed him.

"I'm sorry," I giggled, still embarrassed. "I didn't mean to…I mean, I'm just so touched that I…"

"It's quite all right, Julia," he said gently, immediately calming me. He always had that effect on me. No matter what the situation was, he only had to assure me it was fine and I was calm. With Darcy, I only felt tenser.

"I do have to go now," I said, disappointed. "It is Christmas Eve and I have a dinner to help prepare."

"Ah, yes," he said, his eyebrows lifting in understanding.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't be alone.

"I'm having dinner with the Inspector and his family," he replied.

"Oh, how wonderful! I'm sure it will be delightful, what with the boys' excitement!" I said.

"Indeed, yes!" he chuckled. "Thank you so much for the books, Julia. It was so thoughtful and I'm very much looking forward to reading them."

"You're welcome, William," I smiled back at him. "And thank you for the cameo, it's just beautiful."

"You're welcome. It will look lovely on you."

"Merry Christmas, William," I held out my hand, not allowing myself to get carried away again.

"Merry Christmas, Julia," he took my hand in both of his. "And give my regards to Ruby, your father, and to Darcy."

At Darcy's name, my eyes turned to steel. William saw it and frowned, but then quickly recovered.

"I will, thank you," I murmured. I gave him one last smile and turned to leave his office.

"Merry Christmas, Doctor!" George called to me as I left.

"Merry Christmas, George," I replied and smiled gently at him.

I walked out of the station, not daring to look back at him for I could still feel his eyes following me out the door. Once I had left and turned the corner where my carriage waited, I closed my eyes against the cold, drew my collar tightly around me and clutched at my reticule which now held my precious cameo.


End file.
